Skronker

A young woman who is going by the name of Natalie Dylan is auctioning off her virginity and was allegedly offered $3.7 million for it (so she SAYS). But it seems the 39-year-old Australian businessman has had to back out of the deal because his wife was unhappy with the arrangement — which is not wholly unreasonable.

And this guy is only 39, which means he’s not even having a midlife crisis yet, an event in a man’s life that usually means blowing the vacation money on a flashy sports car, motorcycle, boat or something else transportation related. Women get botox and facelifts. It’s the way things should be.

 If this guy is dropping (or trying to drop) 3.7 million bucks on an intact hymen as a regular, everyday, impulse buy, what’s he going to do the day he looks in the mirror, sees his hair is going, and starts wondering what it’s all for and where the rest of his life is going? What’s he going to buy………

…….

…….

 …OK, in trying to invent/find some outrageous thing he could buy I Googled “Sex Island” and discovered that there is a gay porno movie called Lost on Sex Island which, according to the gay website TheGuide.com, is the porn version of The Island of Dr. Moreaux.

 ”In The Island of Dr. Moreau, a mad scientist turned animals into men; in Lost on Sex Island, a Moreau-like figure called Dr. Vixen (Damian Ford) turns men into sex pigs.” The reviewer says the film is “watchable” but that the “continuity goes haywire.”

 Anyway, back to virginity auctions, I have no strong opinions on them one way or the other, as long – OBVIOUSLY – as the hymen in question is attached to a willing adult party. It seems like a great way to make a lot of money and I kind of wish I’d thought of it back when I had some of that to offer. I’m guessing “slightly used married virgin” doesn’t have the same appeal.

Not all virginities go for such high amounts (if that was indeed a real offer). Italian born German student Alina Percea got just $18 000 for hers and last I heard Germany was talking about taking her 79% on it – a 50% prostitution tax plus a 19% value added tax. That is totally highway robbery. Hardly worth it in the end.

Then there was that creepy and clearly incredibly unstable 18-year-old British lesbian, Rosie Reid, who let hers go for 8, 400 pounds to some poor schmuck who did the deflowering while Rosie’s girlfriend stayed in the room. Then she told the newspapers it was “horrible” and that afterwards she and the girlfriend “just cried and cried.” Okey dokey Chiquita. You don’t need professional help at all.

As for Natalie, I feel the need to point out that her cherry has been on the block for, like, EVER at this point, since September 2008. When is she actually going to do this thing? Maybe you should take whatever the second highest bid was, before people stop taking you seriously. And stay off those horses and away from any heavy lifting. One false move and  (as someone on another blog that I now cannot find to link to pointed out) today’s purest snowflake is tomorrow’s worthless whore trash. All that financial opportunity out the window. I’d be afraid to even sneeze.

The 22-year-old is hocking her goodies via the Nevada Bunny Ranch brothel.

Don’t know much about real live brothels? Me neither. This one looks pretty nice. I kind of wish they had a restaurant where I could just go and eat a meal and hang out but then I think that sort of tourism is a bit tacky and probably somewhat unsophisticated. After all, it’s a whorehouse, not a zoo and gawking at the ladies seems somewhat crass. Still…I’d like to visit but not “party” as they put it. Of course, I was most inerested in a price list and they don’t have one on the website as the girls are “independent contractors.”

I did find pricing for the Chicken Ranch, another Nevada brothel…on Wikipedia no less. It says ” prices start at $100 (the unofficial house minimum), but the average amount for one hour of intercourse and oral sex is about $400.” But I think this is pretty cheap and that Bunny Ranch prices can probably range into the thousands and thousands of dollars.

All this is making me think of the Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. So, here’s Dolly Parton singing Little Bitty Pissant Country Place. Whee! Yeehaw.

Look! The font is bigger! I don’t know why but it is. Hurray.

Anyhoo. Work had me Googling “crossdressing rock stars” last week, and did you ever wonder whatever happened to Kevin Rowland from Dexy’s Midnight Runners?

“Did those guys ever do anything besides Come On Eileen?” a friend asked, as well she might.

Well, yes, as a matter of fact, they did. They had a hit with a single called Geno and then there’s whatever song it is they’re performing in this clip of The Young Ones that I think of whenever I hear Come on Eileen, which I always imagine is the song in the clip, even though it’s not. The Young Ones often had musical guests, like Motorhead (fuck the umaut, I can’t be bothered) and The Damned.

Since the eighties Kevin has been recording off and on and in 1999 he released a little gem of an album entitled My Beauty. Here is a video single from it. You can thank me later.

I have no idea what’s up. Sorry.

On Yahoo today there was a news story about this guy, Mark Rudov, who hates this Cheerios ad (I don’t know anything about the guy except that he hates the ad and therefore do not necessarily otherwise endorse him). And may I say? FINALLY. I hate this ad and have been saying to anyone who happens to be sitting near me whenever it airs – usually and probably only ever my husband – that the woman is an abusive bitch who deserves to smacked. If a man were talking to a woman like that everyone would be crying domestic abuse. But we’re supposed to think this is funny? I dunno. That just seems so very wrong to me. Here’s the ad.

 
She’s awful right? Interestingly, in Canada it airs without the dubbing and with the original British accents. Maybe people in the United States are confused or put off by accents in the same way that they are confused or put off by the word “philosopher” which is presumably why Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone was released in the U.S. as Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.

But really. Why was that? Not being a student of the All Americans Are Idiots school of thought, I’ve often wondered who decides these things and what the reasoning is behind them. So, it turns out it was the American publisher who changed the book title. Did they do a market study? I can’t find out. I did stumble across an explanation of what the philosopher’s stone actually is though, something that had – probably surprisingly – never occurred to me to wonder about.

According to (the oft erroneous) Wikipedia it’s a “legendary alchemical tool, supposedly capable of turning base metals into gold; it was also sometimes believed to be an elixir of life, useful for rejuvenation and possibly for achieving immortality. For a long time, it was the most sought-after goal in Western alchemy. In the view of alchemists like Sir Isaac Newton and Nicolas Flamel familiarity with the philosopher’s stone would bring enlightenment upon the maker and conclude the Great Work.”

Nicolas Flamel is mentioned in the Harry Potter books as a pal of Dumbledore and said to have lived to 665 thanks to the stone. In real life he was apparently a medieval scrivener and crack alchemist.  Though his dates are given as approx. 1330-1418, word is that he and his wife achieved immortality. But they no longer live in the same house they occupied in the 14th Century. It’s now the oldest house in Paris and the ground floor is a restaurant, L’Auberge Nicolas Flamel. The décor is ghastly but the porterhouse steak with morels sounds awesome.

My job had me surfing the web today looking for “Rock Gods.” This is because I was commenting on a UK poll of 4000 people in which people voted Freddie Mercury the Ultimate Rock God. The list was as follows:

Top 10 Ultimate Rock Gods
1. Freddie Mercury
2. Elvis Presley
3. Jon Bon Jovi
4. David Bowie
5. Jimi Hendrix
6. Ozzy Osbourne
7. Kurt Cobain
8. Slash
9. Bono
10. Mick Jagger

Obviously it’s a joke as there are so many things wrong with it it’s hard to know where to start, the lack of David Coverdale being the most obvious. And you can’t have a list of ROCK GODS without ROBERT PLANT on it. He is THE rock god. THIS HAS ME CONFUSED SO I THINK I’LL JUST PUT THE CAPS LOCK KEY DOWN FOR A LITTLE WHILE. THERE I FEEL A BIT BETTER.

Anyhoodle, while googling around on the subject of “rock gods” I came across this question on Yahoo answers:

Do you think that God made rock n roll for a reason? Maybe it was corrupted along the way….?

Everything is made for a reason…

There has to be a reason to rock n roll or heavy metal. And its not just Christian Rock.

What? Whoa. I…I don’t…man.

The best thing about this question is that it’s marked as “resolved.” So, there you go.

Today discovered the wild world of one man a capella choir video performances. This guy – Vance Perry – found via Fark, is awesome. Digging the Beach Boys-ish harmonies – is that a classic gospel arrangement? The best part about the whole thing is the fact that he decided to do it in the first place. Well, maybe not the best part but a good part. First you have to say to yourself, “You know what I think I’ll do today? I think I’ll record Joshua Fit the Battle of Jericho 8 times in four different parts, mix it and make it into a video,” instead of “You know what I think I’ll do today? See if there’s any cheese in the fridge.” That in itself is amazing. If you ask me.

Vance isn’t the only solo chorus out there. There’s also this guy, Loucapella.

This stuff wouldn’t be nearly as good on a live stage, though, which is unfortunate since that’s where the large part of the money in the music biz is these days. They might be OK as is on a larger screen, like a short film, for say 20 minutes or so. Or, they could get some really cool holograms going. So, it would look like the guy was standing on stage next to himself. I don’t know how easy, difficult or effective this would be. But had a bounce around to see how far we’ve come in the hologram department – apparently the CNN election night attempts were a tad disappointing, though I missed them myself — and found this. It’s long…but you get the idea

Those guys are HOLOGRAMS! There’s also this clip of Virgin’s Richard Branson. I’d say we’re doing quite well in the hologram department. Keep up the good work men!