Skronker

Ruhmember Pete Burns from Dead or Alive? Not a bad looking guy right?

Well, I don’t know where I’ve been – because he was apparently on Big Brother so this look isn’t news per se – but it wasn’t until pretty recently that I learned that the once rather chisel faced male Pete now looks like a rather unfortunate female Pete.

You know, like one of those girls who moved to Hollywood from Cornfritter VA, (pop. 534) all full of big screen dreams of becoming a serious actress but wound up stripping/hooking/doing porn/all three until bagging an available self made gazillionaire, landing the role of trophy wife and going berserk on the plastic surgery because she was a) bored out of her skull sitting by a Beverly Hills pool sipping Harvey Wallbangers all day and b) terrified Woodford Moneybags Esq. was going to ditch her for a younger, hotter model and she’d have to go back to smoking poles for a living at the age of 56.

But THEN Woodford got kind of grossed out by how far she’d gone to look younger and how terribly it all turned out even though it was ALL TO PLEASE HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE (though she still became sort of a frigid bitch after the first year of matrimonial bliss and they hadn’t done it in ages) because he made it clear from the beginning that her beauty was immensely important to him and he was also quite disgusted with himself over the whole situation so he DID go out and replace her with that younger, less vacuum packed and pumped version who will become the fourth Mrs. Moneybags (Number one, shared a basement apartment with him in the early days until she realized he was no longer the idealistic, romantic dreamer she once loved and she didn’t even KNOW HIM ANYMORE! And number two took the kids and ran off with his former business partner and best friend).

So Mrs. Moneybags number three finds herself living in a one bedroom apartment wishing she had gotten a goddamn prenup, getting even more surgery and trolling the hotel bars in the hopes of landing herself another rich husband and so, she winds up looking like this.

Except THAT is Pete Burns. Word is that he’s getting a settlement from the plastic surgeon who botched his lip job and he could get as much as $2million. The scariest part of this story: “Mr Burns, 49, has said: ‘It has taken away my life and my career. I saw doctors in London who said the only option was to amputate my lips. I was suicidal.’” AMPUTATE HIS LIPS???  Yikes.

Here’s what he looks like performing these days.

The song was apparently covered by Jessica Simpson. Odd. There was another cover version by Dope, which is apparently often mistakenly attributed to Marilyn Manson and featured in the movie American Psycho.

Speaking of which, American Psycho was the inspiration for Kanye West’s recent video Love Lockdown. What? You don’t remember the African tribal warrior scenes in American Psycho? What’s wrong with you?