My new flying, remote control inflatable shark

I have a new toy. I bought it in Las Vegas with Lisa, Kristy and Gabriella, where we wound up at an outlet mall because that’s where everyone seemed to think we should go. The people in Las Vegas are very much about the “outlet mall.” When we were trying to find a place to have breakfast that wasn’t underground – Vegas is like a city of mole people – the woman at the concierge desk sent us to the iHop adding that “it’s near the outlet mall!” like that was a BIG BONUS! And then at least three other people, including the doorman and the cab driver, were all “Oh, you’ll be near the outlet mall!” So, as you can imagine, I was excited about this magical place called the “outlet mall,” because I’ve never been to an “outlet mall” before. Well, we went there – but not before breakfast at the iHop, where I’ve also never been and where the waitress almost had a panic attack when Lisa asked for Earl Gray tea, because she didn’t know what it was. She didn’t know what “black tea” was either, so Lisa finally settled on “Tea tea. Lipton’s tea,” because that’s what the waitress said they had – and it turns out the outlet mall is just a collection of stores with cheap, shitty clothes, so I was pretty disappointed. However, and this is a big however, there was a booth selling flying inflatable remote control sharks. Of course, I had to buy one and I’m going to call him Feargal Sharkey. Lisa just looked at me blankly when I said that. Why do I even hang out with her?

The shark is one of these, this is gonna be fun:

I don’t know what this means…

But it’s got Matthew Broderick in it announcing he’s Not GoooooING  TO WORKTODAYYYYYY! What? Yep.

Zombie garden gnomes

I’m generally sick of zombies. You guys, we’ve done ALL WE CAN with the zombie apocalypse. There are dozens of movies – like Zombieland and Sean of the Dead – and books on how to survive the zombie apocalypse – like The Zombie Survival Guide – and cutesy reimaginings like Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and a TV show about the zombie apocalypse called The Walking Dead, there’s a zombie walk…and there’s ONLY SO MUCH YOU CAN DO WITH ZOMBIES. They are not that multi-purpose. They eat people, often brains. They…are scary? They…what? What do they do? They’re not even as flexible as vampires, which are already limited, if you’re not a 15-year-old girl. I’m sick of the farking zombie craze.

Generally.

But today I saw this.

Zombie gnomes. I think. And well, there are some people out there with original ideas after all. I wish I knew who they were. (Link)

???????????

No, seriously.

Awesomely weird rural girl clogs to The Cure, Siouxsie, Bowie

I love this girl. Spinner.ca is calling her videos “viral” which seems like a bit of a stretch, considering they’ve only got a few thousand views each…still, they brought her to my attention. This 17-year-old from “somewhere in central Georgia” is letting her freak flag fly and is my WTF of the day. She calls herself the “Rocker Clogger” and makes videos of herself clog dancing in her backyard to music like The Cure, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Johnny Cash and David Bowie, then posts them on her YouTube channel. And she has a pet donkey. I am totally jealous of her weirdness. I bet she doesn’t care what kids in high school think of her, because there’s no WAY she’s popular, right? I wish I’d had the guts to be this weird at that age and didn’t give a damn. Of course, there’s the problem that I wasn’t NEARLY this interesting. My main interests were smoking, boys and um…I think I might have been reading some Anne Rice novels. I didn’t have much substance…also, I’m probably off. All the cool kids in rural Georgia are probably clogging it up to eighties alternative and little Rocker Clogger here is going to be the damn Homecoming Queen.

I also really want to know what lives in the coop behind her. Chickens? Badgers? Adam Ant?

Almost 3 minutes of rappers spelling their own names

Hey! It’s E-L-I-Z-A-B-E-T-H talking to you! Or N-I-Z-Z-I-E when I’m feeling special. This video of thirty years of rappers spelling their own names just made me so happy I can’t even tell you.

Motörhead vodka. Yes please! Oh…right.

Here is another example of a booze we will never get in Canada because our choices are controlled by government. Gah! This makes me so freaking mad.

File Motörhead vodka next to Whitesnake wine and fluffed marshmallow vodka on the list of things I can’t have. Not that I NEED more kinds of vodka. It’s a principle of the thing.

Well, it’s only available in Sweden at the moment anyway, though I bet if an American person ordered some they wouldn’t be charged 106% of the price in duty on top of shipping etc.

I hate the world.