baconlube, for porking, available for a limited time,

Bacon has become one of those niche fetishized obsessions lately, with entire fan clubs, businesses and social media pages devoted to the salty pork meat. An endless array of bacon products is popping up on the market, both edible and non – bacon ice cream, bacon gum, bacon shower curtains, ties and lip balm.

The trend is one of many fuck yous of sorts to contemporary politically sensitive and health conscious norms, even among those who pretend to live by those norms. Many a quasi vegetarian will unapologetically chow down on bacon – a hypocrisy that drives me nuts, particularly in friends who will still fuss over vegetarian fare being provided at dinner parties. FUCK, I hate it.

ANYWAY. Bacon. Itself. There’s something fascinating about the Western relationship with bacon. Almost, dare I say, sexual?

Boo ya! Brought it home, dawg! Allow me to present, baconlube. Perfect for porking. Manufactured by J&D’s, which also makes bacon salt, baconnaise and the aforementioned lip balm, baconlube is bacon flavoured and only available for a limited time. (And I don’t know of it’s pork based or not. I got the impression it was but then was informed that that wouldn’t be latex friendly. A tour around the website didn’t come up with answer. I do know all the company’s products are kosher though, as in blessed by rabbis [of questionable jewishness, I’d say], not pork free).

The J&D’s website says, “baconlube began as an elaborate April Fool’s prank and was never intended to be a real product. But when the joke ended, the emails kept coming. People harassed us via email, in public and in highly inappropriate ways (thanks for that). The waiting list grew to over 3,000 people. Expectations were built.”

And in a statement, via The Star, they point to a poll from Maple Leaf Foods which found that 43 per cent of Canadians would choose bacon over sex and say, “Thanks to baconlube, Canadians will never have to choose between two of life’s greatest pleasures again. So you’re welcome Canada, you’re welcome — we’ve got your back.”


I made chocolate covered bacon a few times. Here’s how:


A package of bacon

Some dark chocolate (I never measure stuff)


Fry a package of bacon until it’s quite crispy. Soak off excess oil w/ paper towel.

Melt dark chocolate in a double boiler.

Dip bacon in chocolate and place on tin foil (wax paper would probably work too). Put in freezer for about 10-15 minutes.

I served with vanilla ice cream and homemade raspberry sauce.

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