Lou Reed’s bizarre rap attempt is “pugnacious”

Lou Reed Original Wrapper

Thanks to Dangerous Minds, I now know about Lou Reed’s brief flirtation with rap, which happened in 1986. How could I possibly have missed this?

“I was born in the United States
I grew up hard but I grew up straight
I saw a lack of morals and a lack of concern
A feeling that there’s nowhere to turn
Yippies, Hippies and upwardly mobile Yuppies
Don’t treat me like I’m some lackey
‘Cause the murderer lives while the victims die
I’d much rather see it an eye for an eye
A heart for a heart, a brain for a brain
And if this all makes you feel a little insane
Kick up your heels, turn the music up loud
Pick up your guitar and look out at the crowd
And say, “Don’t mean to come on sanctimonious
But life’s got me nervous and little pugnacious
Lugubrious, I give a salutation
And rock on out to beat really fabulous
Ohh poop ah doo and how do you do
Hip hop gonna bop ’til I drop”

Ha. Wow. It’d be really easy to crap all over this but you know what? At least he was trying stuff. I haven’t even made one album. So, whatever. You be pugnacious and bop ’til you drop, Lou, if that’s what you want to do. Hey look! That rhymed. I should totally try this rap shit.


True(y) facts about Tarsiers

Gah! I love these little guys. Thanks Ze Frank, who also brought us True Facts About Sloths. I wonder if a tarsier (pronounced tar-see-ay, and not, as I thought until now, tar-seer) makes a good pet. Probably not. And it’s probably cruel to keep them in captivity and stuff. Alas. But look at their buggy eyes! Aaaaaaah.


Dudes put themselves through 2 1/2 hours of simulated labour pains

Fake Labour

Wow. Hats off the these Dutch guys who went through 2 1/2 hours of simulated labour contractions.

You know, I’m kind of glad that I’ve been told I should have a c-section when my kid comes in March. Childbirth is scary.

Dennis Storm and Valerio Zeno are the hosts of the Dutch TV show “Guinea Pigs.” They went to what looks like a birthing centre and had electrodes strapped to their stomachs, through which they experienced simulated contractions that increased in intensity over a couple of hours.

True, most women I know went through more like 30 hours of labour. And these guys didn’t have to go through the entire pregnancy or the months of breastfeeding, and they could go have a cocktail after this and I CAN’T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I HAD A GODDAM COCKTAIL. But it’s something.

I got a good belly laugh out of watching.

According to Jezebel.com, Storm and Zeno also one time cooked and ate a fry-up in fat retrieved from liposuction.

Source: Jezebel


Wrangler FINALLY launches moisturizing jeans

Moisturizing jeans

I hate that my stupid jeans don’t moisturize me while I wear them. I mean, come on. Get with the program, denim companies.

… What’s that? Vogue UK is reporting that Wrangler is launching “the first pair of moisturising jeans”? (they spell “moisturising” with an “s” in Britishland). Well, it’s about time.

The jeans come in a “pioneering skinny-fit style” (very different, I’m sure, from all those regular old skinny fit styles) and incorporate “high-performance skincare ingredients to protect your legs from the dehydrating effects of denim.”

Vogue says:

“The Denim Spa jeans come in three finishes – Aloe Vera, Olive Extract and Smooth Legs, which aims to prevent cellulite. Hydrating properties include of natural oils and butters, such as apricot kernel oil, passion fruit oil, rosehip oil, shea butter and monoi de Tahiti – a Polynesian ingredient made using Tiare flower buds soaked in refined coconut oil.”

Jeez. I didn’t even know about the “dehydrating effects of demin.” Thank goodness someone is doing something about that.

Image: Vogue UK


Artist draws only in his sleep

Lee Hadwin

Have you heard of this guy? I haven’t, but sometimes I miss things.

His name is Lee Hadwin, he’s a Welshman, and word is that he draws in his sleep.

“He has drawn numerous portraits of screen siren Marilyn Monroe but most of his artwork is of circle-inspired abstract pieces.” And scientists are said to be baffled.

Huh. All I do in my sleep is drool, and sometimes talk. My husband says one night I shouted “Hurray for the Romans!” But generally, I’m pretty unproductive.

Still, it doesn’t sound fun. Hadwin wakes up with migraines and has apparently had a hell of a time proving he’s not a fraud.

Now, it seems, he’s decided to sell off his collection of drawings – between 80 and 100 pieces – on eBay and donate half to the Missing Person charity. He hopes to raise 500,000 pounds (about a million bucks).

“My art is horrific when I’m conscious.

“I have only sold a few drawings over the years and have held off selling a lot because I’ve been told to hold onto them because they will increase in value.

“But now I have just decided to sell them all for charity.”

Source: http://swns.com/news/incredible-sketches-artist-draw-sleep-29925/

Image: leehadwin.bksites.net


The Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme song translated through 64 languages

cdza fresh prince

This is cdza. They make musical video experiments. I think this is my favourite so far.

So, you know how this morning you were wondering what would happen if you took the theme from “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air,” ran it through all the Google translate languages, then translated it back into English? Well, by amazing coincidence, cdza just happens to have done exactly that. These are the very amusing results. (via LaughingSquid )


Four people who got famous for being crappy

miller

I just discovered this “so terrible she managed to land a brief moment in the spotlight” performer thanks to Alan Cross.

This is Mrs. Miller and she is, as Cross points out, the Florence Foster Jenkins of the 1960s.

Elva Ruby Connes Miller “gained some fame in the 1960s for her series of shrill and off-key renditions of then-popular songs such as ‘Moon River,’ ‘Monday, Monday’ ‘A Lover’s Concerto’ and ‘Downtown.” That’s what Wikipedia says. It also describes her singing “in an untrained, Mermanesque, vibrato-laden style,” which is hilarious and sounds like it came from someone studying hard to be a very serious music critic, so thanks to whoever came up with it.

Her rendition of “Downtown” hit No. 82 on the Billboard Hot 100 singles chart in 1966. It is seriously unlistenable.

Interest dropped off shortly thereafter and she retired from music and spent the rest of her days doing charity work.

I wonder what force drives these people to stardom every few decades or so. Is it their sheer chutzpa? The joy they get out of doing something that they should, by regular rules, not be doing? A mean-spirited chuckle at their expense? All three? I’d like to think I never indulge in that last one myself. I meditate and stuff.

On top of Jenkins – who lived at the turn of the 20th Century, rented out Carnegie Hall to showcase her love of singing and is perhaps the best known example – another is Wing Han Tsan, known simply as “Wing,” a Chinese singer who lives in New Zealand (shout outs to my friend Mike for helping me remember her name). She’s so frikkin’ adorable it’s nuts. I love her. Her Wiki bio editors charitably describe her singing style as “unique.”

Then, of course, there was American Idol castoff William Hung, who made a brief career out of butchering Ricky Martin’s “She Bangs” with the infectious enthusiasm of a toddler dancing for a roomful of grandmas. But if his appeal is his childish guilelessness, elevating him to celebrity status seems a little condescending. Do we enjoy these people because they’re kind of morons, maybe possibly a little mentally off? Because I’m uncomfortable with that.

Just sayin’. But who cares what I think?


Awesome senior a capella chorus wows at Tim Horton’s

According to the Toronto Star, these guys are The Entertainers and they do this every Monday.

Nothing like this ever happens at my Tim Horton’s, though one time I was on the subway and some drunk guy was singing “Like a Virgin.” That was fun too.


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Sickest Buddha, Arj Barker

Yeah, I know, this is two years old. But I just saw it today. It’s funny because I kinda know some people this reminds me of.

“The sound of one hand clappin’, fuck that, yo. More like the sound of a one legged standing O. I’m blowin’ up the dharma like what, cuz I’m the sickest buddhist and I’m kickin’ Buddha butt.”

Hahahahaaaaaa!


New David Bowie

People are superexcited about this. I am not. I like David Bowie and this song is fine but I haven’t loved anything he’s done since about the mid eighties. I guess what I mean is, I’m not superexcited about it musically. I get why the hype though. It’s just exciting to hear from him after ten years and a heart attack. His mere existence is comforting, I think.

The single is “Where Are We Now?” and it will apparently be followed by an album.