Dinosaur porn? Yup. Dinosaur porn.

I’ve just discovered dinosaur erotica. When I first saw a headline about this earlier today, I didn’t click the link (I know, right? I don’t know what I was thinking,) and somehow got the idea that dinosaur erotica would be about dinosaurs doing it, which is weird, but it’s actually about human women doing it with dinosaurs, so, like bestiality porn but with extinct reptiles (dinosaurs are reptiles, right?), which is maybe less weird in a way but still weird.

The author of these works of dirty fiction is one Christie Sims, whose Amazon author page has her posing arse up on the beach,  like she’s waiting for a pig ol’ triceratops to come sniffin’ around, and says she’s a “plain old, everyday Midwestern girl that lives a normal life.” With one big difference. Sims explains, “While my outward tastes are relatively simple, my inner thoughts are filled with lusty thoughts of big, strong, powerful monsters having their way with beautiful maidens.”

The bio finishes with “I hope you enjoy these tales of beautiful maidens exploring their lust for these powerful creatures as much as I had writing them,” which, not to nitpick, makes me worry a bit for the quality of the writing in these books. But I guess the writing quality isn’t the point. 

She has written TONS of them.

Here’s the Amazon description for “T-Rex Troubles” in which a blonde woman, as seen above, goes shopping at Victoria’s Secret in prehistoric times:

In a land before time, Layla hunts for her tribe. The men belittle and threaten her, a woman who hunts like a man, until, desperate, she sets out alone after the most fearsome beast in the world- a T-Rex.

As she hunts the giant predator, a very special T-Rex is hunting her- this T-Rex has psychic powers and a desire for human flesh. Naked and alone, Layla bargains with the beast: her body for her life.

Can Layla accept the beast’s carnal demands? Can her body accommodate its relentless desire? Can she hold to her part of the bargain? Or will she become the T-Rex’s next meal?

OMG, WHAT DO YOU THINK WILL HAPPEN????

(Via Laughing Squid)