Rejected Guinness World Records

rejected world records

All I can say about this is hahahahaha.

(via Blame It On the Voices)


Dogs shakin’ to sweet tunes. Watch this if you’ve had a hard day

This is addictive. And it will make you smile and probably lower your blood pressure.


Doll shoots flames out of its crotch

I’m a little late to this party but whatever. I have a baby.

This is not a real product but this video is still pretty funny. Enjoy, if you haven’t seen it yet either.

 


Ikea item or death metal band? A quiz!

ikea or death

This is almost the most fun I’ve had all day. It would be the most fun I’ve had all day but I went to the park and put a six month old on the swings, then I had delicious tacos at this place called La Carnita, which seems like a bit of a hipster douche hangout but we were there early so it was pretty empty and the food was awesome.

Anyhoodle, this was still pretty fun. Take this quiz! Is it an Ikea item or a death metal band? I scored 10 out of 20. Can you do better?

http://ikeaordeath.com/


Brilliant prank terrifies café customers

Carrie Prank

Check out this video of café customers getting pranked by a woman using her angry “telekinetic powers” to drag a guy up a wall, move tables and make books fly off shelves. It’s a brilliant promotion for a new movie, and I’m sure you can guess which one.

Clever as it is, I have to admit that if I was in that café, I’d be pretty pissed off, because I would have been absolutely terrified and I would probably have been holding a baby and YOU JUST DON’T DO THAT TO A MOTHER HOLDING A BABY! Gawd. Jerks.

In general I really do think these things, which are becoming really common, are cruel and horrible and possibly dangerous. I have images of someone having a miscarriage or something out of fear.

But this one is really amazingly well done, I just have to admit.


Artist snorts paint then shoots it out of his eyes

Leandro Granato

Here is a video of a man snorting paint and shooting it out of his eyes onto canvas.

His name is Leandro Granato and he’s from Argentina. He looks very serious.

 

(Via Time)


Dinosaur porn? Yup. Dinosaur porn.

T Rex Troubles

I’ve just discovered dinosaur erotica. When I first saw a headline about this earlier today, I didn’t click the link (I know, right? I don’t know what I was thinking,) and somehow got the idea that dinosaur erotica would be about dinosaurs doing it, which is weird, but it’s actually about human women doing it with dinosaurs, so, like bestiality porn but with extinct reptiles (dinosaurs are reptiles, right?), which is maybe less weird in a way but still weird.

The author of these works of dirty fiction is one Christie Sims, whose Amazon author page has her posing arse up on the beach,  like she’s waiting for a pig ol’ triceratops to come sniffin’ around, and says she’s a “plain old, everyday Midwestern girl that lives a normal life.” With one big difference. Sims explains, “While my outward tastes are relatively simple, my inner thoughts are filled with lusty thoughts of big, strong, powerful monsters having their way with beautiful maidens.”

The bio finishes with “I hope you enjoy these tales of beautiful maidens exploring their lust for these powerful creatures as much as I had writing them,” which, not to nitpick, makes me worry a bit for the quality of the writing in these books. But I guess the writing quality isn’t the point. 

She has written TONS of them.

Here’s the Amazon description for “T-Rex Troubles” in which a blonde woman, as seen above, goes shopping at Victoria’s Secret in prehistoric times:

In a land before time, Layla hunts for her tribe. The men belittle and threaten her, a woman who hunts like a man, until, desperate, she sets out alone after the most fearsome beast in the world- a T-Rex.

As she hunts the giant predator, a very special T-Rex is hunting her- this T-Rex has psychic powers and a desire for human flesh. Naked and alone, Layla bargains with the beast: her body for her life.

Can Layla accept the beast’s carnal demands? Can her body accommodate its relentless desire? Can she hold to her part of the bargain? Or will she become the T-Rex’s next meal?

OMG, WHAT DO YOU THINK WILL HAPPEN????

(Via Laughing Squid)


Woman makes cool video of herself quitting her job. Update: Company responds

quittin time

Here is a video a woman named Marina Shifrin made of herself dancing to Yeezy to let her boss know she is quitting her job. It will restore your faith, if not in humanity, then, at the very least in quitting. Look how happy she is!

I should have done this at this one gig I had but instead I waited around until my contract ran out, like a chump.

If I could turn back time I’d do this. I’d also not shave my head that second time and I TOTALLY would not date that tattoo artist. He was a dick.

UPDATE: The company, Next Animation, made a response video, dancing, showing off their rooftop pool, wishing Marina well and announcing that they’re hiring. Good times all around. That video is below the original.