Unicorn tears gin

unicorn-tears-gin

This is a disgusting outrage. What kind of person makes a UNICORN CRY just so they can get drunk on its tears of sparkly gin? STOP THIS MADNESS.

This won’t be available in Canada because none of the fun booze ever is.

(Via Incredible Things)

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Penguin slap fight

“Stoppit.”

“No, you stoppit.”

“No, you.”

“OK. Let’s all stoppit.”

“HEY! Stoppit.”

“No, you stoppit.”


Ron Jeremy Rum

ron-de-jeremy-spiced-rum

 

Did you know this existed? I didn’t.

Like all the cool, interesting or amusing alcohol choices in the world, this is not available to us in Canada unless you want to order from the U.S. and pay over 100% duty to the government to get it into the country. But, you know, just so you know it’s out there.


Coolest advent calendar ever

This company, Master of Malt, doesn’t ship to Canada and, even if they did, the farking extortionists at the LCBO would charge you more than 100% of the value of the product just to get it into the country. So, if you’re in Canada, unless you have a pal in the UK who will buy it and mail it to you, you’ll just have to stare at this picture and think “Oh, man. That is so cool.” Just like we have to do with roasted marshmallow vodka, Motorhead vodka and Whitesnake wine.

What is it? It’s a whiskey advent calendar. My husband would LOVE this. So would I. But I’m not drinking right now. It’s a shot of whiskey every morning! And the good stuff too, which is why it costs $239. There’s also a ginvent calendar for only $127.

Sigh.

(via Huffington Post)


Shampbooze, so you can smuggle your booze onto the cruise

A company called Smuggle Mug, which specializes in mugs that allow you to smuggle booze into the party, also has a product called Shampbooze. Apparently, the big selling point here is the ability to smuggle booze onto cruise ships, where I gather drinks are super pricey (I’ve never been on a cruise).

The typo-ridden (I assume they’re all drunk) website explains, “First put your alcohol of choice into a shampooze bottle then put it in your checked luggage. There is no way it will be discovered because it’s in a virgin food grade plastic bottle thats labled with an organic specialty shampoo and conditioner label. This will allow you to sneak alcohol onto any cruise line! Then once you get to your cabin take the bottles out pour the drink into the hidden flask of your smuggle mug and your good to party anywhere on your cruise ship. By far the most effective way to sneak alcohol onto your cruise. Twice as strong as rum runners and over $2 cheeper.  The label is masked to protect its stealth identity.”

I totally get why one might want to smuggle booze into a venue – sometimes you can’t afford to buy drinks. I used to stick bottle down my pants. YOU DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO, OK? – but I bet you could also just use an old shampoo bottle and get the same result. Though at $6.95 they’re not terribly expensive. I like that the product has been put through all sort of scientific testing but the people who run the site can’t spell “cheaper.” (Via Incredible Things)


Motörhead vodka. Yes please! Oh…right.

Here is another example of a booze we will never get in Canada because our choices are controlled by government. Gah! This makes me so freaking mad.

File Motörhead vodka next to Whitesnake wine and fluffed marshmallow vodka on the list of things I can’t have. Not that I NEED more kinds of vodka. It’s a principle of the thing.

Well, it’s only available in Sweden at the moment anyway, though I bet if an American person ordered some they wouldn’t be charged 106% of the price in duty on top of shipping etc.

I hate the world.


So, fluffed marshmallow vodka exists

This exists? Yes. It does. But will we ever get this at the LCBO? SIGH. Probably not, as what we can buy here is decided by a committee I imagine consists of your mom, some lady who got kicked off the censorship board and ten other random jurors.

I’m always being told that the LCBO has the biggest selection anywhere – but that doesn’t matter when half of it’s crap. There are WORLDS of Armagnacs, whiskeys and Sojus we can’t get here, not to mention liqueurs with flavours like lavender and violet that I’m always reading about in American magazines. And selection is meaningless on a PROVINCEWIDE basis. You might not be able to buy all the things you can get at the LCBO in one New York store. But you can get it all and more in the city. Also, I once tried to ship some wine into Canada, because Whitesnake has a wine and you gotta have that, right? And the LCBO tried to charge me over 100 percent of the price, on top of the price just to get it into the country, so I had to send it back. I HATE the farkin’ LCBO.

ANYWAY, fluffed marshmallow and whipped cream flavoured vodkas. Just knowing these are out there makes me happy. And a little bit sad.


Nutliquor? I hardly even knew her. Hahahahahahaaaaaa!

So, this made my day, until I realized it will probably be a long time until we can get it in Canada. This is Nutliquor, which is obviously the best name ever, and it is peanut butter flavoured Vodka. The website says “Drinking nutliquor is like drinking the center of a peanut butter cup. Peanut butter, smell, creamy texture, a little warmth going down, and a lingering peanut butter cup aftertaste. Delicious!”

It also says “Nutliquor contains no peanut allergies” – I think they mean allergens? – “and was created to be enjoyed neat.”

(via Laughingsquid and Bostondrunks)