Fake Facebook girlfriend for 50 cents a day!

Tired of being single in the eyes of your online peers? For just pennies a day, or the price of about a quarter of a cup of coffee, you can now have a fake girlfriend on your Facebook page. The message, from Cathy, reads:

“I’ll be your girlfriend on facebook for 10 days. I’m Cathy, a 23 year old student and I live in New York city. There’s a second option by the way: If you want a few messages (3 max.) on your profile to make somone jealous that’s also possible, just send me the message(s) and the facebook-link! byebye!x (I don’t! do any promotional stuff!)” Whatever that last part means is anyone’s guess.

Apparently this is a thing. Neatorama, where I found the link, points to cloudgirlfriend.com, a site that seems to allow you to create your own virtual girlfriend and that bears the tagline “The best way to get a girlfriend is to already have one.”

I have to admit it makes a certain amount of sense. Women do tend to go after taken men, as we assume there must be something wrong with single ones (and let’s be honest, there often is).

But Cathy? That business model kind of sucks. You’d have to have 100 customers to make $500 over ten days, which really isn’t good money. And it seems that if things were to reach a point where you were actually making a decent living, at some point, someone might notice that hundreds of dudes have the same girlfriend. It’s really a small world out there, despite what you’ve heard. Unless you’re going to set up different accounts for each boyfriend, and then the trouble would totally outweigh the benefits. Also, word will eventually get out that you get around and you will feel the need to explain that you were just faking it for money, essentially outing all your clients. Haven’t you seen Easy A? Watch it. It’s a good movie. But things do not go well for Emma Stone’s character until she realizes that pretending to have sex for money is no way to go through life. Get a job.

Or don’t. What do I care?

She’s actually probably got it all figured out and this is going to put her through school and buy a mansion. I suck at economics.

F—in’ sale!

Oh, Japan. I don’t even know what to say.

Via japansubculture.com

Kanzi the bonobo builds a fire and cooks food. He’s more useful than I am.

And we’re back from the holidays. Sober and full of self loathing. Onward and upwards. Pip pip and all that.

This chimp is named Kanzi and he lives at the Great Ape Trust in Iowa. He can build fires and cook food, which particularly impresses me since I can’t build a fire and cook my own food. I mean, maybe I could but I never have – not without help. Also, he’s a Bonobo and I kind of thought Bonobos just had sex all the time with whatever fellow Bonobo was close by, including family members and their own children (with the possible exception of abstaining from sexual intercourse between mothers and their adult sons) which is totally freaky and weird.

Kanzi’s bio says:

Kanzi
Name means “treasure” in Swahili

Birthday: October 28, 1980

Favorite Foods: Onions, cherries with orange soda

Favorite Toy: Green ball

Favorite Activities: Kanzi enjoys working in research trials and on puzzles that allow him to show his intelligence, as well as sorting items and grooming.

Favorite Game: Chase

What makes Kanzi unique?

Kanzi, the world’s undisputed ape-language superstar, was the first of his species to acquire language as children do: by being exposed to it. The first ape to demonstrate receptive competence of spoken English, Kanzi excels in research featuring novel sentences – that is, phrases that preclude the learning of specific responses. He also is adept at stone toolmaking, giving scientists insight into cognitive and biomechanical skills and constraints, and helping them better understand levels of skill in early prehistoric ancestors.

Wow, right? Watch him build a fire and roast marshmallows below.